November 22, 2009

November 19th in Baldness

On November 19, 1998, Kenneth Starr, accompanied by his combover, appears before the House Judiciary Committee to present evidence against President Bill Clinton, a man with much thicker hair.

San Francisco Giants’ right fielder Barry Bonds (pictured here doing his best Serena Williams impression) won his record 4th consecutive MVP award (7th overall) on November 19, 2004. Cheaters do win.

James Garfield, 20th president of the United States, was born on November 19, 1831. Not really the most popular guy to hold office, but definitely a bald one.

November 22, 2009

Woody Harrelson Shaves Head For The Troops On Colbert Report

During a recent episode of The Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert shaved Woody Harrelson’s head. In honor of the troops, both sang the Star Spangled Banner while Colbert worked the clippers.

November 22, 2009

Andre Agassi Wore A Hair Piece

Perhaps not as shocking as his crystal meth revelation, but tennis star Andre Agassi recently admitted his iconic mullet was a hair piece. The legendary  tennis star used smoke and mirrors, dozens of bobby pins and a tight headband to keep his rug in place, not easy when playing tennis.

Why someone would grow a mullet is beyond reason, but it’s even more incredible that someone would don a mullet toupee. I guess image really is everything.

Check out this video of David Letterman presenting Agassi with his mullet wig and Agassi’s explanation of why he wore it.

October 23, 2009

8th Anniversary for Andre Agassi & Steffi Graf

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Despite other suitors, including a young fan (video footage), tennis star Steffi Graf married  Andre Agassi on October 22, 2001. Agassi still had hair and Graf still had all of all of her glorious nose.

While their appearances have changed and their tennis skills declined, the two have thrown their energies into the Andre Agassi Foundation for Education.

But that’s not say that Agassi is a total angel. Agassi once struck his wife with a vicious backhand during this fund raiser in Houston (YouTube footage).

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October 21, 2009

Troy Polamalu Inspires Hair Envy

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On ESPN’s First Take, bald Steeler receiver Hines Ward said he would love to have Troy Polamalu’s hair for one day, but only for one day because it takes Polamalu 45 minutes to shampoo his hair.

Through the magic of Photoshop, Polamalu’s long hair was placed on all of the analysts, including grumpy Skip Bayless. The hair didn’t suit Bayless as much as the toupee he currently wears.

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For more reasons why Skip Bayless sucks–read this Deadspin article.

October 21, 2009

Benjamin Netanyahu Needs Friends

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Nobody rocks the Likud Party quite like Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. And nobody combs it over quite like today’s birthday boy.

Born in Tel Aviv on October 21, 1949, Netanyahu is a Libra who keeps busy planning for an attack on Iran’s nuclear weapons program, but still finds time to update his Facebook page. Everybody needs friends.

October 21, 2009

Trent Dilfer vs. Tim Hasselbeck

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ESPN’s NFL Live took a break from football news today when analysts Trent Dilfer and Tim Hasselbeck began debating who had more hair. Both claimed the thicker mane, but Hasselbeck claimed the only thing Dilfer had more of was back hair.

October 21, 2009

Evander Holyfield Keeps Fighting & Grilling

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Former heavyweight champion Evander “The Real Deal” Holyfield was born on October 19, 1962.

After losing his hair and the heavyweight title, Holyfield probably figured he couldn’t lose much more. Then Mike Tyson ate away part of his ear, years of punches killed numerous gray cells, and then creditors took his money. Now he’s dong Burger King commercials, begging for more fights and even hawking his own Real Deal Grill that looks suspiciously similar to George Foreman’s much more successful grill.

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September 18, 2009

Hank & Skank Off to Indy

Rapidly balding Hank Baskett has signed with the Indianapolis Colts after being dumped by the Philadelphia Eagles (related article).

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The 3rd rate wide receiver is better known for his wife, Playboy centerfold and reality “star,” Kendra Wilkinson. A big distraction for any NFL team, it says something that the Eagles cut Hank to make room for convicted dog fighter Michael Vick.

September 3, 2009

Matt Hasselbeck Defeats Tom Brady

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According to a recent Wall Street Journal article, Professional football player  Matt Hasselbeck, is the 4th most attractive quarterback in the National Football League. The bald Seattle Seahawk beat out Tom Brady, Mark Sanchez and Tony Romo. Because he’s way hotter.

What is it that gives Matt “heartthrob” Hasselbeck the advantage? Facial symatry, apparently. That may not be the chief criteria of pop singers and Brazilian super models, but it’s of primary concern for researchers at Ursinus College. It may sound far fetched, but on behalf of bald men everywhere, I say “We’ll take it.”